Seize The Chance
by 51Dreaming
Summary: Two years after developing a seizure disoder and one year after undergoing experimental surgery, Johnny faces his biggest challenge: can he prove his ability to resume working as a paramedic? The fifth and final installment in the Seize seies


**Seize The Chance**

**To Sarah**

**Chapter One**

"Shut UP."

Johnny Gage reached over and slammed off the alarm clock. Five thirty. The room was dark. He sat up, yawned, and listened to the steady downpour of rain. He chuckled ironically.

"Of course. Rain. I'll probably fall and break my neck."

He turned on the light, pulled on a tee shirt, a pair of shorts, and a pair of new, state-of-the art running shoes. He walked out of the dark apartment, down the stairs, and onto the sidewalk. He was already soaked.

Johnny stretched, took a deep breath, and started jogging. By the end of the first block, he was winded. He kept jogging, chanting a mantra:

"Paramedic, paramedic, paramedic, paramedic..."

**Chapter Two**

"No, no, no..."

Joanne DeSoto moaned as the clock radio turned on to the all news station. She snuggled into the bed. "It can't be 6:30 already..." Roy leaned over and kissed her neck. She snuggled deeper into the blankets. "It's raining. And nuzzling my neck isn't going to make it stop. It's raining, it's Monday, you have shift...make it go away." Roy laughed and got out of bed. He stretched, opened the curtains, and looked out.

"It's really coming down out there, hon. Want me to drop the kids off at school before shift?"

Joanne sat up, turned on the light, and looked at Roy through bleary eyes. "Yes. And stop being so cheerful."

"Can't help it. I'm a morning person." He came back to the bed and dropped a kiss on her head.

She looked up at him and frowned. "Morning, afternoon, night. It's all the same to you. Are all firefighters like that?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I'll take a poll this shift. How's that sound?"

"Oh, go take a shower." She gently pushed him away.

Roy laughed and headed toward the bathroom. As he was closing the door, the bedside phone rang. He returned to the bed. They stared at the phone for a moment.

Joanne shook her head. "Who in the world would call at this hour?" Her eyes grew wide. "Oh, my God. It's bad news. Answer the phone."

Roy picked up the receiver. He listened for a moment. He covered the receiver and turned to Joanne.

"It's Johnny. He doesn't sound right. He - "

Joanne grabbed the phone. "Johnny? What's wrong?" She fell back on the bed, an annoyed look crossing her face. "You what? You got a blister from the new shoes? You called at the crack of dawn to tell Roy you got a BLISTER? Yes, it's the crack of dawn! Look Johnny, I don't care how excited you are, you...yes, I know you only have three months until...great, you ran five miles..." She covered the phone and looked at Roy. "He ran five miles."

Roy did a double take. "He ran five miles? In this downpour? Is he crazy?" He grabbed the phone. "Johnny, are you NUTS? After what you've gone through, after what you've put us through, your brain surgery, your recovery, you just got your license back a few months ago and now you...what? You're joking. All right, all right. Hang on, I'll ask her." He looked at Joanne. "He uh...he wants to know if he can come over for breakfast." Joanne sighed, sat up, and took the phone. She waved Roy into the bathroom and spoke into the receiver.

"Johnny? Sure, you can come for breakfast. Yes, I'll make pancakes. Seven on the dot. Of course. listen, sweetie, please don't call and scare us like...what? Johnny, wait - "

There was a 'click' on the line as Johnny abruptly hung up. Joanne looked at the receiver. "You're welcome. See you soon, you rotten, ungrateful..." She replaced the receiver. She heard Roy turn on the shower. She fell back on the bed.

"I hate Mondays."

**Chapter Three**

"These are incredible, just - "

Johnny paused while he shoved another forkful of pancake into his mouth, licked the syrup off his fingers, and took a gulp of milk. "Incredible." he looked at the DeSoto kids. "Whatsa matter?"

Twelve year old Chris DeSoto shrugged. "Nothing. It's just I never saw anyone gobble pancakes so fast."

Johnny laughed. "You never seen anyone in training, Sprout. I'll slow down." He glanced at Joanne. "Any more pancakes?

"Joanne laughed. "Sorry, no."

"that's all right. I'll pick something up on the way to work." He sighed. "Ya know, it's not that I'm not grateful to have my job back. But Payroll Supervisor...sure ain't firefighting. I'm just afraid that...ya know..." He fell silent.

Ten year old Jenny patted him on the arm. "Uncle Johnny...you worried they won't give you your job back?"

There was a momentary silence. Johnny glanced around the table and smiled uneasily.

"Yeah."

**Chapter Four**

"Mr. Gage, can I speak with you for a moment?"

A young woman stuck her head into Johnny's tiny office. He was hunched over a book, scribbling in a notebook. His jacket was flung on the floor, his tie loosened and askew, his brow furrowed in concentration. He did not look up. She entered the office and tapped on his desk.

"Mr. Gage?"

He shook his head impatiently, his eyes on the book.

"I'm on my lunch hour. Can this wait?"

She backed away. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. I'm sorry."

He glanced up, and an apologetic look crossed his face.

"No, I'm sorry. Could you come back in fifteen minutes?"

She nodded as she turned to leave.

"Sure. Sorry, Mr. Gage."

Johnny sighed. "Listen...call me Johnny. This 'Mr. Gage' stuff...too formal."

She smiled hesitantly. "Sure...Johnny."

The door closed.

Johnny sighed again, threw down his pencil, and leaned back in his chair. He ran his fingers over the surgical scar, curving from his hairline to behind his ear, now hidden by a hairstyle the LaCoFD would approve of...short, neat, professional. He scratched the scar.

The phone rang. He grabbed it.

"WHAT?"

"Johhny?"

He winced in embarrassment.

"Roy...sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You all right?"

"Yeah...just tryin' to squeeze in some studying."

"I'll call back."

Johnny sighed again.

"No...I can't concentrate, anyway. Keep getting interrupted. How's shift?"

"Busy. Four runs, and it's only lunchtime."

Johnny leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. "Well, it's better'n shuffling papers all morning, and tellin' everyone to stop calling me 'Mr. Gage.'"

He heard Roy chuckle.

"I bet. Listen, I called to find out it if you want me to come over on Saturday and help you study."

"Yeah...yeah, that would help. I didn't know so much has changed in two years...procedures, new drugs, new regulations. It's incredible. I been studying for weeks, but..I kinda feel like...I'm starting from scratch. It's so frustrating. I used to KNOW this stuff, and now..." He fell silent.

"Johnny, you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little - "

The klaxons sounded over the phone.

"Squad 51, heart attack, 2743 North Pinewood, two seven four three North Pinewood, cross street Alma, time out 12:58."

"Johnny, gotta go." The line went dead.

Johnny hung up the phone. He laid his head on his arms and closed his eyes. An image of his neurosurgeon, the formal, unsmiling, "arrogant sonofabitch" Dr. Sherwood passed through his mind.

"I didn't become a neurosurgeon because I 'like' my patients, Mr. Gage. Don't take it personally. It's just the way I am."

Johnny chuckled. "Call me Johnny, you S.O.B. If I never see you again, it'll be too soon."

**Chapter Five**

"So, how's Johnny?"

Chet Kelly was in the bay when Roy and his partner Daniel Harris returned to the station. Roy leaned against the squad and shook his head.

"you were eavesdropping on that phone call."

"I was in the vicinity, that's all. So, how is he?"

"Since when do you you care so much about Johnny?"

Chet's head dropped. "Since I wasn't there for him at the hospital. You know that."

"Yeah, I remember. You threw a chair across the visitor's lounge. Broke it, too.

Chet chuckled sadly. "Yeah. Broke a chair, then juggled toilet paper rolls. Some help I was." He left the bay and headed into the dayroom. Roy followed.

Chet grabbed some celery from the fridge and started munching on a stalk. He dropped onto the sofa. Roy joined him. Boot jumped up between them. They pet him for a while, lost in thought. Roy looked up at the ceiling, his mind awash in memories of the months he'd spent at Mayo, watching Johnny endure test after grueling test, until Marco relieved him for a few days. How helpless he felt. How much he wanted to run away. finally, he sighed and smiled at Chet.

"You made him laugh. That's more than I did."

Chet shrugged. "Big deal."

"It WAS a big deal." Chet shook his head impatiently.

"Okay, fine. But what can I do NOW? I can't help him study. I don't know that stuff. I mean, what can I do do help him that you can't do or he can't do for himself?"

Roy thought a moment. Finally, he smiled.

"You can work out with him." Chet thought a moment, then a slightly evil smile spread across his face.

"Yeah. I mean, I can beat him easy now. It'll bug the hell outta him. And that'll - "

"Don't be so sure of yourself, Chet. Johnny's really gained a lot of ground lately." Chet nodded.

"Okay. It's just I...I really wanna help him. I - " he paused, wiped his arm across his eyes, then smiled at Roy.

"I really want him back. This place isn't the same without him. And not just because he's such an easy target, you understand."

Roy snorted. "Of course not."

**Chapter Six**

Johnny left his office and approached the desk of the young woman who had interrupted his studying. She looked up, startled.

"Mr. - uh - Johnny." He smiled.

"Close. Just Johnny. Can I sit?"

"Of course."

He dropped into the visitor's chair. "So. What do you want to be called?"

"Depends. Is the whole office casual about names, or just you?" Johnny shrugged.

"I dunno. Everybody chooses what they wanna be called. Me, I think 'Mr. Gage' is too formal." He scratched the scar. "It's up to you."

"Then call me Grace. If I'm going to call my boss by his first name, it seems a little odd for him to call me 'Miss Madlow.'"

"Okay. So, what can I do for ya, Grace?"

Grace smiled sheepishly. "This is gonna sound kinda prima donna, especially on my first day...but I need to move to another desk."

Johnny arched an eyebrow.

"Move to another desk? Someone bothering you?" She shook her head.

"No, nothing like that. It's that window." She pointed to a large window near her desk. Johnny looked at it, then back at Grace.

"What's the problem?"

Grace glanced around at her co-workers.

"Could we talk in private?"

"Uh, sure. How about my office?" He ushered her into his office and closed the door. She took a seat at his desk. He sat on the edge of the desk, folded his arms, and waited. She hesitated, then spoke.

"Johnny, this is going to sound strange, and maybe you won't believe me..."

Johnny smiled. "Come on. Just tell me."

"Okay.." Grace's voice fell. "I get these migraines, terrible headaches. And I'm light sensitive. Sitting next to a window...and I hate to ask, but - "

"Yeah, I get it. I'm kinda light sensitive, myself."

Grace smiled in surprise. "You get migraines? Then you know - " Johnny shook his head.

"Not exactly. But I understand." He jumped up. "Let's see about moving you to another desk."

**Chapter Seven**

Claire Baylor nodded at Grace as she finished transferring her supplies from the old desk to the new one. Marcie Thompson, who was being moved to Grace's desk, took Johnny's arm and pulled him aside.

"I've been at that desk for seven years, you know. I'd like to know why I'm being moved." Johnny sighed.

"You're not being moved. Grace is. And she - "

"I think I'm owed a better explanation than THAT."

Johnny shook his head impatiently. "It was my decision, Marcie. And that's it."

"I just want to know WHY." Johnny glanced at Grace, who was staring down at her desk, a flush spreading across her face. He looked back at Marcie.

"I told you. It was my decision. And that's that. I have work to do. Excuse me." He turned on his heel and walked away. They heard the door to his office slam.

Grace sat down and tried to get to work. Marcie leaned over her.

"He's not such a catch, you know." Grace stared up at her.

"What?"

Marcie snickered and motioned toward Johnny's office with her head. "Him. Johnny. I mean, sure he's handsome and all but - "

"Marcie, shut up." Claire shook her head at Marcie. "That's just gossip."

Marcie laughed. "Gossip? Everybody saw it." She turned to Grace. "Mr. Gage. Johnny. Whatever he wants to be called..." She looked around. "Crazy. As a LOON."

Claire shook her head again. "He is NOT." She turned to Grace. "Johnny...he's an epileptic."

Marcie laughed. "Same difference. He used to stumble around here, muttering to himself, then he'd pass out and...oh, it's too disgusting."

Marcie jumped when Johnny materialized out of nowhere and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Don't you have work to do?" She gulped, nodded, and scooted away.

Claire and Grace bent over their desks. Johnny opened his mouth to say something further, thought the better of it, then disappeared into his office and slammed the door again. He sank down into his chair and sighed.

**Chapter Eight**

"Here, Joanne sent this."

Roy handed a platter of food to Johnny as he entered Johnny's apartment. He looked around and chuckled. "This place is a pigsty, Junior."

Johnny grabbed a piece of cheese off the platter and stuffed it into his mouth. "Well, it's not like I got a wife pickin' up after me, ya know."

"You sure don't." Roy took his jacket off. "Where do you want me to put this?"

"Just drop it anywhere." Johnny disappeared into the kitchen. Roy looked around.

"Anywhere..." He opened the coat closet. No hangers. He looked in in bedroom. It was as bad as the living room. Finally, he dropped his jacket on the bed and returned to the living room. Johnny had brought out two mugs of coffee. He handed one to Roy.

"Come on..let's go into the kitchen."

Roy followed Johnny into the kitchen, where he kept all his study materials. Books were scattered on the table, the food platter in the middle.

Roy picked up one of the books and glanced through it.

"How about we start here? This stuff hasn't really changed since you - "

"Stopped working. I know. It's just...I forgot almost all of it." Roy looked confused.

"This stuff? But Johnny - "

"I know, I know. But I forgot." He grabbed a sandwich off the platter and took a large bite. He looked at the sandwich, avoiding Roy's eyes. "You don't...you don't suppose the surgery...took my memory of all this away?" Roy slowly shook his head, then smiled.

"John...what does 'TKO' mean?"

Johnny rolled his eyes and chuckled. "'To Keep Open.' Come on, that's - "

"Right. And which IV fluid is used for TKO?" Johnny shook his head, annoyed.

"D5W. Gimme a break, Roy. I - "

"Where is the needle inserted for an intracardiac injection?" Johnny frowned and took another bite.

Roy cocked his head and smiled. "Well?"

Johnny shoved the food into his cheek and shook his head. "The fourth intercostal space." Roy nodded. Johnny swallowed and looked angrily at Roy. "Ya know, you're giving me easy ones. Even civilians know that stuff."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, maybe not. Gimme something harder."

Johnny and Roy hunched over the books, and the study session began in earnest.

**Chapter Nine**

Johnny stretched his legs out underneath the booth at the coffee shop he and Roy went to after the study session. He gulped a mouthful of coffee and smiled at Roy.

"I wanna thank ya. Yer right...I do remember this stuff. Of course, I been studying on my own for a while."

Roy nodded. "It's like second nature to you, Junior."

"Yeah, second nature." He paused.

"Do ya really think - "

The waitress interrupted them as as she arrived to take their order. "What'll it be, fellas?"

"Johnny scanned the menu. "Bacon cheeseburger with all the trimmings, fries, and a chocolate milkshake." The waitress scribbled the order and turned to Roy.

He shook his head.

"Just coffee, thanks." She took their menus and walked away.

Roy smiled. "You making up for lost time with all this eating?"

Johnny shrugged. "I lost thirty pounds at the hospital. Didn't eat much when I was recovering at your house. You know that."

"Yeah," Roy replied softly. He eyed Johnny. "You were going to ask me a question."

Johnny's head dropped. He stared at the design on the table top. "Honest answer, okay?"

"Sure, okay. What's the question?"

"Do you...do you really..." He fell silent.

There was a pause. Roy leaned forward.

"I don't know, Junior. What I do know is, if anyone can, it's you. And it's definitely worth a shot."

Johnny looked up, a smile spreading across his face. He nodded.

"I just...don't wanna wake up when I'm old and think, 'What if I'd at least TRIED?' Ya know what I mean? That's why I been working so hard." Roy nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna wake up wondering the same thing. That's why I kinda push you. You gotta try, John. You gotta try."

"Yeah, well...not much time left till the hearing. Time used to move so slow, and now it's..." He looked around the restaurant, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

"Man, I'm starving. Where the hell is that burger?"

**Chapter Ten**

"Come in, John."

Bob Freeman stood aside as Johnny entered his office. He closed the door. "Where would you like to sit?"

Johnny shrugged as he studied the artwork on the walls. "I don't care."

"Okay." Bob took a seat on the sofa and waited while Johnny continued to study the artwork.

"This stuff on the walls. It's all new."

"Yeah. I got it several months ago. What do you think?" Johnny shrugged again.

"I liked the other stuff better."

"How come?"

"Because I did."

"I see."

Bob waited. Finally, Johnny sat. He looked around.

"The furniture's new, too."

"Yes."

"I liked the old stuff better."

"Okay."

Bob waited. Johnny stared out the window.

"View's the same." Bob smiled.

"Yes, that's the same." He waited. Johnny sighed.

"I suppose you want me to talk."

"When you're ready. You quit therapy months ago. It can be hard to just start talking again."

"I guess."

"Would you just like to just shoot the breeze today?" Johnny chuckled.

"At the prices you charge?" Bob smiled.

"On the house."

"I dunno. It's hard to start."

"I know. I'll wait."

Bob waited.

Johnny took a deep breath.

"My reinstatement hearing is in two months."

"Okay. How do you - "

"I met a girl."

"Tell me about - "

"I got a raise."

"That's great."

"Know how much I can bench press now?"

"No, I don't."

"Me, neither."

"More than I can, I'm sure."

"Roy and Joanne let me take the kids for a night. That's big. It's huge."

"Wonderful. Tell me about - "

"Why'd you have to change the artwork? I hate it."

"John - "

"What?"

"Is that why you came? To criticize my taste in art?"

"Uh, no. Sorry."

"So...tell me why you came."

Bob waited.

Johnny stared out the window.

"When I close my eyes, I can see myself polishing my badge. So bright I can see my face. I can see my uniform, every detail. Did you know the shirt pocket has a button?"

"No, I didn't."

"My bunk. It's next to Roy's. I like it there. When the squad gets a night run, we don't disturb the guys. And I can check him in the night, make sure he's okay."

"I see."

"He's my best friend, you know. Roy."

"I know."

"This girl. Grace. Met her at work."

"Tell me about - "

"I'm not supposed to date her...bein' her supervisor...but I don't care."

"Uh huh."

"She gets migraines. I don't care."

"That's good."

"I haven't asked her to spend the night, but I wanna."

"And you haven't because - "

"I wanna get laid. I mean, I'm a gentleman, but damn, I wanna get laid, Bob."

"I understand. John - "

"That's not why I'm dating her, but damn..." Johnny fell silent.

Bob waited.

Johnny looked around.

"This artwork is really bad. I mean, it's incredible."

Bob waited.

Johnny pointed to one painting.

"That's the ugliest piece of..." He stared unwaveringly at the painting.

"What if...what if I don't get reinstated...what if I can't get it on, like I used to, like I wanna...what if Roy finally gets sick of me...what if I..." His voice trailed off.

Bob leaned forward. "You're scared."

Johnny finally looked at Bob. "Yeah."

"So let's start there."

"Okay." He laughed. "Shit, you have bad taste."

Bob laughed.

**Chapter Eleven**

"Look, I been rappelling. I been camping, rock climbing...everything I did before the seizures. And this isn't even rappelling. It's just lowering myself down a slope. You guys think I can't handle this?"

Johnny, Chet, and Marco stood at the edge of a steep slope in the hills overlooking Los Angeles. Chet thrust Johnny's turnouts and helmet at him.

"Gage, ya haven't done this in your rescue gear for two years. Ya rappelled in your climbing gear. This is different and you know it. Now let's do this, man. Ya only got three weeks left before your hearing. Stop wasting time." Johnny glared at Chet and grabbed his turnouts. He pulled on the pants and adjusted the suspenders. The pants hung loosely on his body.

Marco shook his head. "You still need to gain weight, Johnny. Whatcha been eating?"

"Hey, I'm gaining. Don't worry about it." Johnny slung the jacket on and closed it. The sound of the jacket snaps silenced him. Slowly, he took the safety belt from Marco and buckled it on. Marco handed him the rope. He tied the rope into loops and positioned the loops around his upper thighs. He slipped the rope through the C ring on the belt, wrapped the rope around C ring three times, and clicked the C ring closed. He adjusted the helmet on his head and looked at Chet and Marco.

"Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The snaps and clicks."

Chet stared at him quizzically. "What snaps and clicks?"

Johnny smiled faintly. "The snaps and clicks safety gear and turnouts make. I never really listened to it before. It's like..." He grinned. "It's like the sound of a rescue man, gettin' ready to do his job."

Johnny grabbed his gloves from Chet and slipped them on. He nodded at Marco.

"Ready?"

"Ready." Marco pulled on his gloves and grabbed

the rope. He braced his feet and nodded at Johnny. "I gotcha. Take it slow."

"Okay, okay." Johnny backed up to the edge of the slope and tightened the rope. Slowly, he lowered himself over the edge. As he disappeared from sight, he yelled, "Slack off, Marco, slack off!"

Chet stood at the edge of the slope, watching Johnny work his way down, and motioning to Marco to continue slackening the rope as Johnny progressed. Slowly, he disappeared into the thick brush below. Suddenly, Johnny stopped his downward progression. Chet looked worriedly at Marco, then called down the slope.

"Gage! You all right?" A voice came back up to him from the brush.

"Yeah...uh...Chet...ya better get down here. Get my first aid bag and canteen from the back of the Rover and get down here."

Chet stared down the slope. He looked at Marco. Marco called down the slope.

"Johnny! What happened? Johnny, you all right?" Johnny's voice, shaking with emotion, came back.

"Yeah! There's a man down here. He's in bad shape. Bring me my first aid kit, the canteen, and, uh...the hiking magazines in the back seat. Then Marco, go and call for a squad and a rig. Come on, move it!"

**Chapter Twelve**

Chet scrambled into his gear. Marco tied off Johnny's line onto the fender of the Rover, found the magazines and first aid kit, and stuffed them into Johnny's backpack. Chet put the backpack on, slung the canteen over a shoulder, and started down the slope. He disappeared into the brush, finally calling, "Okay, Marco, get going." Marco tied off Chet's line, got in his car, and drove away in a billow of dust.

Chet knelt by the injured man. He looked anxiously at Johnny. "Whatcha got?"

Johnny was examining the unconscious man. "I dunno yet. He's got a bad bump on his head, and it feels like his leg is broken." Johnny grabbed his backpack, unzipped it, and pulled out a pocketknife. He opened it and slit open the man's pant leg. He felt the leg, then grabbed a magazine. "Yep, it's broken. Let's make a splint." The man moaned and opened his eyes.

"What happened? Oh my God, my neck and head hurt." Johnny leaned over him.

"It's okay man, you took a fall. Everything is gonna be okay." The man looked up at him.

I remember...I climbed down, trying to get a picture of a deer...I slipped...hey, are you a fireman?"

Johnny glanced at Chet. He smiled at the man. "Yeah. My name is Johnny Gage and I'm a paramedic with the Los Angeles County Fire Department. This is Chet Kelly. He's a firefighter." He glanced again at Chet, who smiled and nodded.

Johnny straightened the man's leg. "We're gonna splint your broken leg, here."

"How long was I out?"

"I dunno...the important thing is you were found. Try to relax and breath easy. You're gonna be just fine."

"How you gonna get me outta here?"

"Don't worry. There's more help coming. You just relax and let us do our jobs." Johnny used a couple of magazines to fashion a splint. He pulled off his turnout coat and gently placed it under the man's head. He leaned over the man, shaded the man's eyes with his hand, then moved his hand away. "Pupil response is good." He checked the man's ears. "No bleeding."

"My head hurts, my back hurts."

"I know. You're gonna be all right." He opened the canteen and helped the man sip some water. The man smiled.

"Thanks." My name's Greg. He listened as the faint sounds of sirens appeared. "Is that them?"

Johnny smiled. Yeah, that's them."

"Will you stay with me? Until I get to the hospital?" Johnny glanced at Chet again.

"Sure, Greg. I'll stay with ya. That's my job."

**Chapter Thirteen**

Brice lowered himself down the slope to the injured man. His partner, Bob, waited by the squad.

Brice glanced at Johnny.

"Gage. You found this man?"

"Yes. He's got a - "

"Never mind what you think he's got. Let the professionals do their jobs." Brice shouted up the slope. "We need the biophone, drug box," he glanced at the man's leg, "leg splint, and stokes."

Johnny shook his head. He's complaining of back, neck, and head pain."

"Gage, you're not certified. Let me - "

Johnny shouted up the slope. "We need a cervical collar and a backboard."

Brice shook his head. "Gage, thanks for the first aid, but you're done here. I'm the paramedic, I'm the one qualified to handle this."

Johnny clenched his fists in frustration. "I'm stayin' here, Brice."

Greg grabbed his arm. "Johnny, what's going on?"

"Nothing, Greg. We're just...gettin' organized."

The stokes was lowered. Brice grabbed the drug box and set up the biophone. He took Greg's vitals. He reached for the biophone receiver, but Johnny already had it. He glared at Brice and placed the call.

"Rampart Base, this is Squad 51, how do you read?"

"Read you loud and clear...is this Johnny?"

"That's affirmative. Rampart, we have a male, age approximately 30, who took a fall down a steep slope. He was unconscious when found, but has since regained consciousness."

"Fifty-One, were you able to determine how long he was unconscious?"

Brice made a grab for the biophone; Johnny turned away.

"That's negative, Rampart. He has a bump on the back of his head, he's complaining of head and neck pain, and his left femur is broken. His pupils are normal and reactive, there is no blood in the ears."

Brice hissed at him. "You didn't check his pupils."

"Fifty-One, what are the rest of the vitals?"

"Rampart, hold for vitals." Johnny stared at Brice. "Well?"

Brice lunged at the biophone and got it from Johnny's hand. "Rampart, this is PARAMEDIC Brice speaking. Vitals are: BP 150/90, pulse 55, respirations 37 and labored. Request permission to administer MS."

Johnny shook his head angrily. "MS? He's got a - "

"Negative, Fifty-One, possible head injury. Start an IV with D5W TKO, immobilize neck and femur, get him on a backboard and transport immediately."

"Ten-Four." Brice hung up the biophone and stared at Johnny. "Gage, you're in so much trouble, I don't know where to begin." He pulled the D5W from the drug box and started hunting for a vein. He scowled in frustration.

"Johnny felt a hand on his arm. He leaned over Greg.

"It's okay. We're just starting an IV."

"Johnny, I'm a hard stick. Most of my veins collapsed after surgery a few years back. Try my foot." Johnny nodded and looked up.

"Brice, he's a hard stick. Says to try his foot."

Brice shook his head. "Gage, let the professionals..." He inserted the needle, poked around, failed to find a vein. "Damn it. Lemme see the other arm." He tried to get the needle in another vein. Greg yelped.

Johnny hesitated, then pulled off Greg's shoe and sock. He grabbed another D5W, ripped the package open, found a vein in Greg's instep, wiped it down, and slid the needle in. He handed the bag to Chet, then taped the IV in place. He tapped Brice on the arm.

"It's in. Let's get his neck immobilized, get him on the backboard, and get him outta here."

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Thanks, man."

Greg squeezed Johnny's hand gratefully after he was transferred to the gurney in Treatment Room Three at Rampart. Johnny smiled down at him.

"No problem. You just get better, now." He walked out of the treatment room to find Brice waiting for him.

"Here's your turnout coat." Brice shoved it against Johnny's chest and let go; it dropped to the floor. He started to walk away. Johnny scooped the coat up and followed him. He grabbed Brice by the arm and pulled him around.

"Hey. Just what is your problem?" Brice looked around.

"Do you really want me to say it here? In public?"

"Fine, you want private, let's go to the lounge." Brice shot him an angry glance and brushed past him on the way to the lounge. When they were alone, Brice started pacing.

"Gage, two years ago, when you were diagnosed with epilepsy, I tried to warn you...it's against Departmental Regulations for handicapped people to be paramedics. I warned you. And I've been keeping an eye on you. There's no chance...no chance in HELL you'll be reinstated. But you don't even wait for your hearing. You have no certification, your training is out of date, but you just go and treat victims anyway."

Johnny felt his face grow hot.

"Now wait a minute! I found this guy, purely by accident, and you happened to be on shift. You don't even wait for me to give you his symptoms before you tell me to get lost! I'm not gonna do that! I had information and you ignored it!"

"Ignored it? You grabbed the biophone - which you are not qualified to use - and you took over. You used medical equipment you have no authorization to touch, you tried to start an IV - "

"No, YOU tried to start an IV! I succeeded!" He grabbed Brice's shirt. "Where do you get off - "

"I'M not a mental defective!"

Johnny's face paled. He released Brice.

"What did you say?" Brice adjusted his shirt.

"You heard me. I'm not a mental defective. You are. That's what epilepsy is, Gage. It's time you dealt with it." He brushed past Johnny and slammed his way out of the lounge.

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Johnny? You all right in there?"

Johnny opened his door that evening to find a worried Roy standing on the doorstep.

"Roy."

"Chet called me. About what Brice said. You can't let him get to you, Johnny. Brice is an asshole." Johnny nodded.

"An asshole who's on the Paramedic Advisory Committee."

"That committee carries no weight and you know it. He's just a loudmouth." Johnny shrugged.

"I guess."

"Listen...Joanne and the kids want you to come over, have dinner with us, spend the night. Whadaya say?" Johnny shook his head.

"Roy, if ya don't mind...I'd kinda like to be alone tonight."

"Alone? You sure? Cause we'd - "

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."

"well okay, if that's what you want." He looked closely at Johnny. "You sure you're okay?"

Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. Thank the family for me."

"Okay." Roy turned to go, then looked back. "You'll call if you need to talk?" Johnny nodded.

"I will. Night."

Johnny closed the door, sighed, and sat down on the sofa. He put his arm around Grace.

"Now. Where were we?"

"I'm not sure. You were about to ask me something."

"Oh, that's right." He smiled at her. "How'd you like to spend the night?"

"Spend the night?"

"Yeah...spend the night...here...with me...in my bed...ya know..." Grace burst out laughing.

"I KNOW what you mean...I was just wondering if you were ever going to ask."

"Oh. Well, I'm askin' now. Would you?"

"Yes Johnny. But I have to tell you something - "

"Grace, I just want you to know...I uh, I haven't been with, well, how do I put this..." He scratched the scar.

"I haven't been with anyone for over two years, not since before the surgery. And I, uh...I mean, I wanna...very much...but I'm not sure how it'll be...if I'll be able to...uh...do what I used to..." He shook his head and laughed uncomfortably. "God, I feel like it's my first time..."

"I understand." Grace took his hand. "And Johnny...this is my first time...ever. I want to do this...with you...I'm scared...but I want to be with you." She looked into his eyes. "Okay? It's the first time...for both of us."

Johnny grinned. "I feel better already."

Grace looked around. "What, uh...do we do now?"

Johnny laughed. "Now? Let's watch a movie." Grace looked incredulous.

"Watch a movie?"

"Yeah. Watch a movie."

"Oh. You mean we don't - "

"Later. When we're ready. And if not tonight...we'll just hold each other." He kissed her gently. "Okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah."

Johnny turned on the TV and found a movie. He sat back on the sofa, and put his arm around Grace. She rested her head on his shoulder. He held her hand.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Good."

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Come in, John."

Bob Freeman held the door open as Johnny loped into his office, dropped his backpack on the floor, and sat down. Bob took a seat on the sofa and waited.

Johnny looked around, stared out the window, and finally turned to Bob. He grinned. Bob smiled back.

"Well. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."

"I got laid."

"Good. How was it?"

"It was..." Johnny laughed, and leaned toward Bob, motioning him to come closer. Bob leaned closer. Johnny whispered in his ear.

"None of your damn business, Bob."

Bob laughed and leaned back. "Fair enough."

Johnny leaned back and looked out the window.

Bob waited.

Johnny grinned again. He looked at Bob.

"Know what else?"

"Not unless you tell me."

"I started an IV."

"You did? I thought - "

"Yeah, I know. I found a victim...purely by accident...and started an IV when Brice - oh, you'd love him - couldn't. I splinted a leg, called Rampart, got the guy on a backboard, transported him...I did it all...everything...and I did it right. Everything." He looked out the window, his grin changed to a melancholy smile. "It wasn't a major rescue, and I may never do it again, but at least I know I can, ya know?"

Bob's eyes narrowed. "Why do you say that? You may never do it again?"

Johnny shrugged. "Been thinking. Goin' to the library, researching other jobs." He grew silent.

Bob waited.

Johnny picked up his backpack and rummaged through it. He pulled out a paper, looked at Bob, and then back to the paper.

"Made a list. Other jobs, ya know?"

"Uh huh."

"First on the list is Forest Ranger. That'd be great, bein' in the wilderness, teachin' people about safety

...there's even firefighting involved." His eyes grew distant. "I'd get out of the city. Problem is..." He grew silent.

"The problem is..."

Johnny chuckled sadly. "I'd never pass the physical."

They sat quietly for a moment.

Bob spoke softly. "What else do you have on the list?" Johnny looked up, startled.

"Oh. Uh...do ya mind if we talk about it...if the time comes?"

Bob nodded.

"If the time comes."

Johnny stared out the window. Bob continued.

"Your hearing is in ten days."

"Yeah."

"I can come, if it would help." Johnny turned to Bob.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"I can come, if it would help."

Johnny shrugged sheepishly. "Nah. Don't think it would help, havin' my shrink there, if ya know what I mean."

Bob nodded. "I know what you mean."

"I'd like to...see ya after, though. Either way."

"Of course. Call me after and I'll see you that day."

They fell silent.

Finally, Johnny looked directly at Bob.

"I wanna thank ya. You been...a big help."

"You're welcome, John."

Johnny stood. Bob stood. They shook hands. Johnny went to the door and opened it. He paused, turned, and smiled wanly.

"I'll call ya."

"Okay."

The door closed.

Bob went to his desk and opened Johnny's chart. He wrote up the notes for the session, closed the chart, and filed it. He went to the window and looked out. He smiled.

"Go get 'em, John."

**Chapter Seventeen**

Joanne looked out the kitchen window at Johnny playing with Jenny and Chris while Roy cleaned the BBQ. She turned and smiled at Grace.

"I'm so glad you could come. I've been wanting to meet you."

Grace smiled as she dried a dish. "Thanks. I was looking forward to it. Johnny talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you."

"Let those dishes dry. Coffee?"

"No, thanks." Grace joined Joanne at the window. "He loves the kids, doesn't he?"

"Like his own."

"I wish I had known him before the surgery. Did it change him?"

Joanne thought a moment. "Yes. It helped him...grow up. He's not as, oh, I don't know...scattered. He knows what's really important now. Friends...family...what makes for a good relationship. He's more...the man he was trying to become. I just wish he didn't have to go through that hell to get there."

**Chapter Eighteen**

"But Uncle Johnny - "

"No. Scoot." Johnny collapsed on a chaise lounge. Chris gave up.

"Dad, can I watch TV?"

"If your mother says yes." Chris nodded, then gave Johnny a gentle punch in the arm.

"Tag, you're it." Johnny laughed. Chris disappeared.

Jenny gave Johnny a hug. He held onto her for a moment, his eyes closed. He released her and she smiled at him.

"I like Grace. She's pretty nice."

"I'm glad, Jen."

"I'm a little jealous, but not too much."

"Good. Cause ya know...you'll always be my special girl."

"And you'll always be my special uncle." She kissed his cheek and disappeared into the house.

Roy sat on the chaise lougue next to Johnny's. He cracked open a beer and handed a ginger ale to Johnny. They sat in silence for a while. Finally, Johnny spoke.

"This time tomorrow..."

"Yeah." Roy eyed Johnny. "How ya doing, Junior?" Johnny shrugged.

"I dunno. Scared." He paused. "Told Grace I needed to be alone tonight."

Roy nodded.

Johnny took a deep breath.

"Truth is..." He laughed. "This is embarrassing."

Roy kept his eyes focused elsewhere. "Junior, you wanna spend the night here?"

Johnny gulped and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. I wanna...be with my family."

Roy took a swig of beer. "Good. We want you here. We'll go to the hearing tomorrow. Together."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence, listening to the sounds of the evening, as the sun disappeared below the horizon.

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Whatever happens in there...however it turns out...I wanna thank ya. For sticking by me, for getting me this far...I wanna thank ya..."

Johnny and the DeSotos stood at the door of the meeting room at the LACoFD Headquarters. Roy opened the door and gave Johnny a gentle nudge.

"Go on, Junior. You first."

Johnny stepped into the room. A committee of Departmental brass was assembling. Dr. Brackett, looking distinctly uncomfortable and apologetic, was also present. He motioned Johnny into a seat in the first row of the observers' section. Johnny sat and looked around.

Dr. Hoffman, his neurologist.

The DeSotos, all of them, the kids out of school for the occasion.

Dr. Early.

Dixie.

The guys from Fifty-Ones.

Greg, the man he had just saved, discharged from the hospital on crutches.

Grace.

Brice.

The Committee Chairman, a man Johnny only vaguely recognized, cleared his throat.

"Shall we begin?"

**Chapter Twenty**

One hour later, the Chairman scanned the room.

"Does anyone else have anything to add?"

Johnny looked around.

Brice had offered his opinion, that Johnny was mentally ill, and had been told to keep his opinions to himself.

Hoffman had discussed Johnny's medical status, but had been unable to guarantee Johnny would remain seizure free.

Early had done no better than Hoffman.

The guys had each pleaded for his reinstatement, and had been thanked for their loyalty.

Dixie had broken down in tears and left, escorted by Early.

The Chairman looked at the papers in front of him.

"Since we have heard from everyone, I would like to ask the observers to clear - "

The back door opened. Dr. Sherwood, Johnny's "sonofabich" neurosurgeon, stepped into the room. He walked down the aisle and stood in front of the Committee. Johnny stared at him in shock.

Dr. Sherwood, the larger-than-life, arrogant, distant man, who held Johnny's brain, the essence of Johnny's being, in his hands, Dr. Sherwood had travelled from Minnesota to California, for this meeting.

He looked small.

He looked uncomfortable.

He looked exhausted.

He looked...he looked human.

"You don't know me. I am Lawrence Sherwood, M.D., Mr. Gage's neurosurgeon." He turned and looked impassively at Johnny, then back at the Committee.

"I apologize for my tardiness. My flight was delayed." He pulled a scan image from a large envelope.

"This is Mr. Gage's pre-surgical scan." He pulled another image. "And this is his post surgical scan." You can see the results." He replaced the images. "Does the Committee have any questions?"

The Chairman nodded. "Yes. What are you saying, besides the fact that you did Gage's neurosurgery?"

Sherwood sighed.

"All right. Mr. Gage's seizures were caused by scar tissue present from birth. I successfully removed that tissue. Mr. Gage will not have any more seizures."

"And you are basing this prediction on what?"

Sherwood stared at the Chairman.

"I am basing it on the fact that I don't make mistakes."

"You guarantee this?"

Sherwood glanced back at Johnny; a smile started to appear, then his face became impassive again. He turned back to the Chairman.

"I stake my medical license on it. Mr. Gage will not seize again. Give his certification back, gentlemen. He's a highly skilled paramedic. Let him do his job." He picked up the scan images. "Thank you, gentlemen." He nodded at the Committee, and without another word, walked back up the aisle and slipped out of the room.

The Chairman cleared his throat again.

"Will all the observers...including Gage...please clear the room?"

**Chapter Twenty-One**

"It'll be okay."

Grace slipped her hand into Johnny's. He squeezed it.

Chet nodded. "You hang in there, Buddy."

Roy looked closely at Johnny. "How ya holding up, Junior?"

"Okay, I'm uh...excuse me a moment..." Johnny slipped away from the group and ran after Dr. Sherwood. He caught up with him at the door to the building. He grabbed his arm.

"Doc, wait a minute."

Sherwood stared at Johnny's hand. Johnny immediately released him.

"What is it, Mr. Gage?"

"I uh...I wanna thank ya for coming...for what ya done...I wanna thank ya for caring about me."

Sherwood shook his head. "What?"

"well, ya flew all the way to California, ya pleaded for my job...ya...ya like me."

"No, I don't. I don't 'like' anyone."

"But - "

"I was doing my job, Mr. Gage. I cured you. Those men needed to understand that. Now that they do, I'm going back to Mayo."

"But - "

"Best of luck to you, Mr. Gage."

And he was gone.

Johnny returned to his friends. He looked at Roy.

"Sherwood...kinda...grows on you."

Roy laughed. "I bet."

The door to the hearing room opened. Dr. Brackett looked at Johnny.

"Johnny, would you please return to the hearing? Alone?"

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

The Chairman smiled at Johnny.

"You have a lot of supporters, Gage...Johnny."

Johnny nodded. "Yeah. I'm lucky."

"And they gave some impressive testimony. In the end however, it comes down to Departmental Regulations."

Johnny nodded. The Chairman continued.

"The Department is only beginning to discuss regulations regarding employees with epilepsy. So we called other departments around the country, departments who have such regulations in place."

Johnny held his breath.

"Johnny...other departments have a policy ranging from five to ten years seizure free, without medication, before considering recertification."

Johnny exhaled. He felt the floor open up, as though he was about to fall out of sight. "Drop in BP," he thought, for no particular reason.

"However, since we are still struggling with this issue, I'd like to ask you a question."

Johnny's heart pounded. "Ask me a...question?"

"Yes."

"Sure."

"Johnny - "

The door flew open. Jenny raced into the room, Roy close behind. He grabbed her.

"Jennifer, I said NO!"

"But Daddy - "

"It's all right. Let her stay." Johnny looked at the Chairman. The Chairman nodded. He waved Roy out of the room. Jenny took a seat next to Johnny, and folded her hands in her lap. Johnny took a deep breath and looked at the Chairman.

"What's the question?"

"Johnny..." The Chairman hesitated. "...Would you trust a paramedic with your medical history to take care of someone you love?"

"I, uh..." He looked at Jenny. She smiled at him. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Jen. You're my special girl." She kissed his cheek.

"You're my special uncle."

The Chairman's voice intruded on them.

"Johnny? Would you trust a paramedic with your medical history?"

Johnny smiled at Jenny.

"No. No, I wouldn't."

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"They were wrong. And cruel. Forcing your hand, making you decide your fate. They should have just said no. It was cowardly. I'm gonna - "

"Roy, shaddup, would ya?"

Roy and Johnny sat on the steps of the Departmental Headquarters. Everyone else had left, gone home, to work or school, driven away by anger, disappointment, grief.

Roy and Johnny sat silently for a few moments. Suddenly, Johnny's face lit up and he turned to Roy.

"We - you - got the wrong attitude."

"WHAT?"

"Roy, listen." Johnny jumped to his feet and paced excitedly. He came to a sudden halt in front of Roy as he struggled to find the right words.

"I...I got to live my dream. For five years. I got to do exactly what I wanted. For five years, Roy. You know how special...how...incredible...how rare that is?" Roy shook his head.

"But Johnny - "

"How many people - how many millions of people - never get that chance?"

"I don't know, but - "

"They don't have the opportunity, the training, they never figure out what their dream is, they..." He paused, his voice trembled. "How many people develop health problems, seizures, whatever, before they get a chance to even try?"

Roy nodded slowly.

"I get your point."

Johnny plunked himself down next to Roy. "I got that chance. And I took it. And I'm grateful. The rest of my life, I'm gonna be grateful. But now...it's time to live another dream."

Roy gazed into the distance.

"You have another dream?"

"Yeah. Took a while to find it, but I did." Johnny pulled a flyer from his jacket pocket. He handed it to Roy. Roy unfolded it. He laughed.

"'Wilderness Adventures. Learn backpacking, rock climbing, white water rafting, fishing, wilderness survival...'" He handed the flyer back to Johnny. "It's certainly you, Junior."

"Yeah. It's a five year old company. They're growing. Did you know this industry is gonna be HUGE, all you city folks lookin' to get away on your vacations? It's incredible."

"Have you called them?"

"Yeah. Had a long interview, showed 'em my skills, and they wanna hire me. They don't care about my epilepsy. They said if I was six months seizure free, I'd be good to go. I am. I'm a year without seizures." He fell silent, his eyes distant, looking somewhere deep inside himself. Finally, he turned to Roy. "You know the founder's sister has epilepsy?"

"Now, how would I know that? You just told me - "

"I'll be in L.A., most of the time, drumming up business." Johnny paused. "I'll be around. A lot."

"Good. Cause I'd, you know...I'd - "

"Yeah. Me, too." Johnny sighed, stood up, and grinned at Roy.

"Buy ya a burger?" He extended a hand to Roy and pulled him to his feet. Roy looked at him, his eyes glistened with tears, and he embraced him tightly. Gently, Johnny pulled away.

"So, ya want that burger?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

They walked toward the Rover.

"Ya know Roy, a wilderness adventure would be a great vacation for your family." Roy snorted.

"What...you gonna teach us to fish?"

"Yeah, if that's what you - "

"Johnny, you couldn't catch a fish if it jumped out of the water right at you."

"Oh, that's not true and you know it."

"Right. As for rock climbing, I'm just as good as you, if not better."

"Huh. In yer dreams maybe, but - "

"And as for camping - "

"Roy, I could write whole books about what you don't know about camping."

"Is that so? Well, let me tell you something..."

Johnny and Roy continued arguing as they got in the Rover and drove away.

THE END

Author's Note: This series reflects life as it is, not life as we wish it could be, whether for a fictional character or a real person.

Over 65 million people worldwide have seizure disorders. Each year, epilepsy kills more people than breast cancer. An astounding 1 in 10 people will suffer a seizure at least once in their lifetime, and 1 in 26 will be diagnosed with epilepsy.

Get educated. Then get involved. For more information, see .com.


End file.
